Sex in the Philippines
Regardless of what your religious persuasion is, or your view of the Catholic Church, the Philippines still values marriage and values virginity……however it is NOT a country full of killjoy prudes. This is NOT part of Catholic tradition, and never has been. It’s really never a problem area for Australian Filipina couples.
Back in the days of my online discussion forum (for western men involved with ladies from the Philippines), it used to be amusing when a man would ask a question about whether his future Filipina wife would be overly conservative in that area. It usually started with “I know that Catholics only have sex for procreation…..”. You could almost hear the married men on the forum chuckle with knowing smiles on their faces. We would then assure the worried chap that he had absolutely nothing to worry about!
Virginity
Virginity still holds value in the Philippines. Personally, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think we’ve managed to cheapen sex in western countries down to just another recreational activity. The more it’s thrown around, the more it loses its value. That’s my opinion anyway, but of course you’re entitled to your own.
Just please be aware that the younger the fiancée/girlfriend and/or the more religious she is, the more likely she is a virgin who has been “saving herself” for her future one-and-only. Please respect this in her.
But the old days of chaperones are becoming less and less. Having to drag an older sister or cousin around with you all day so the neighbours will “not talk”, it’s no fun at all! I only nearly-experienced that once many years ago. I protested stubbornly, and the sister went back where she came from and left us in peace.
Proposals and getting engaged
Understand that the Filipino family will still be protective of their girl, and rightly so. And the better that you respect their traditions and their hiya (ie. “face”), the better your relationship will go. Embarrass them or treat them contemptuously, and you will have an uphill battle. And remember that whilst they may smile nicely at you, they will probably give your lady a hard time once you’re out of earshot.
If you want to make all very happy, then you should formally ask dad for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Don’t try to imitate some ceremony you’ve researched on the internet. They make allowances for white people and won’t expect that. Just make an occasion where you ask dad for his permission, and you’ll win many pogi points. Ask your lady what “pogi points” are. You can never have too many of these!
The proposal itself? Of course you ask her beforehand. Imagine what a twit you’d feel if Dad said OK and daughter said no? You can do this any way you wish. I proposed over the phone, myself. And no, I didn’t formally ask Dad for his OK and no I lost many years worth of pogi points with the family. Not ideal, but you had to be there!
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I asked her , then got one of the local sailors to act as translator and promised her father that my intention was to marry her and ask his blessing. He said as long as she was happy. But the next night we were moved into the family home and the master bedroom. A respect I appreciate to this day. They are the kindest people, and any respect shown the family is returned 10 fold.