What do you do if you feel the relationship with your Filipina lady isn’t right? What do you do if you get that sinking feeling? What if the arguments and problems have been increasing, and there are some things about her that you’re just not sure about or just not comfortable about?
Not easy for an Aussie man, especially those of middle-age and above. We were taught in Australia that a good man stands by his word. You’ve told this girl you love her, and that you will marry her and you’ll both live happily ever after. What sort of mongrel bloke dumps a girl? It’s really hard when you’re a dyed-in-the-wool gentleman. We’re accustomed to being dumped and not to doing the dumping. And we’ve given our word, and that’s hard to go against.
Well, guess what gents? When it’s not going the way you want? You HAVE to!
This is one time in life where you absolutely must be prepared to be utterly selfish. You must! Your future depends on it, and it’s completely acceptable to pull the pin. You can even do it on the day of your wedding! Not great timing, but it remains your right! And you certainly needs to be sure before we lodge that Australian partner visa application for you.
This is why rush-jobs are not a great idea, and why taking your time and letting a relationship mature before you make a full commitment makes good sense. If you’re not sure? Wait a bit longer. Still not sure? Wait a bit more. If she won’t wait? Then let her go. If she truly loves you, she will wait until you are certain. Good women in the Philippines are extremely patient.
Jeff’s bit of advice for Australian men
When you first meet each other, you are both on your best behaviour. You dress well. Your manners are impeccable. You bring the flowers and chockies. You refrain from flatulence. (Well, you do….don’t you?) And she does the same. She’s as sweet as she’s ever been in her life. She’s never angry. She doesn’t complain. She doesn’t ask for much. She probably takes care of you in special ways that your thinking-head is out of action much of the time.
If she’s a very honest girl, this will remain. Yes, she’ll feel more comfortable complaining and getting cranky later, of course. But if she was sincere at the start, then as time goes on you will only get to appreciate her more. However, there are two issues here to consider:
- If something about her isn’t right, or if something annoys you, makes you uncomfortable or suspicious in the beginning? Then guess what? It won’t get better with time. It will probably get worse! This is her on her best behaviour. If something bothers you now, it will make you miserable later!!
- Those girls who are not honest can be utterly charming and can play the part of the perfect-girl. Many can’t manage it past the first visit, but there are those who can continue the act for a long time. Two sub-issues:
- If it seems too perfect, then it’s probably fake. No one agrees with you about everything. No one has no thoughts for their own feelings and needs ever. Everyone has a few off-days. Watch out for anything that looks TOO good, as you may be being played!
- MOST can’t continue an act forever. Again, if you’re not sure? Then wait until you are. And the longer you wait, the more likely your thinking-head will take over as the dominant head and you will see things as they really are, plus it’s more likely her real self will emerge.
Don’t risk sponsoring the wrong lady for a partner visa (partner visa aka spouse visa, or prospective marriage visa aka fiancée visa), or you could get caught by the 5 year rule, ie. you won’t be able to sponsor another applicant for 5 years from the date of the previous application. And you may do so only twice in a lifetime. Read more about it HERE.
And whilst there are no similar rules in the Migration Regulations when it comes to tourist visa applications, however if you started inviting one girl after another to visit you from the Philippines, you can bet your sponsorship commitment will start looking a bit questionable by the Case Officers in the Australian Embassy in Manila. So even with tourist visas, make your decisions wisely and with an eye to a bright and happy future for yourself.
NOTE: This is an updated reposting of an article from 2015