What do you do if you feel the relationship with your Filipina lady isn’t right? What do you do if you get that sinking feeling? What if the arguments and problems have been increasing, and there are some things about her that you’re just not sure about or just not comfortable about?
Not easy for an Aussie man, especially those of middle-age and above. We were taught in Australia that a good man stands by his word. You’ve told this girl you love her, and that you will marry her and you’ll both live happily ever after. What sort of mongrel bloke dumps a girl? It’s really hard when you’re a dyed-in-the-wool gentleman. We’re accustomed to being dumped and not to doing the dumping. And we’ve given our word, and that’s hard to go against.
Well, guess what gents? When it’s not going the way you want? You HAVE to!
This is one time in life where you absolutely must be prepared to be utterly selfish. You must! Your future depends on it, and it’s completely acceptable to pull the pin. You can even do it on the day of your wedding! Not great timing, but it remains your right! And you certainly needs to be sure before we lodge that Australian partner visa application for you.
This is why rush-jobs are not a great idea, and why taking your time and letting a relationship mature before you make a full commitment makes good sense. If you’re not sure? Wait a bit longer. Still not sure? Wait a bit more. If she won’t wait? Then let her go. If she truly loves you, she will wait until you are certain. Good women in the Philippines are extremely patient.
Jeff’s bit of advice for Australian men
When you first meet each other, you are both on your best behaviour. You dress well. Your manners are impeccable. You bring the flowers and chockies. You refrain from flatulence. (Well, you do….don’t you?) And she does the same. She’s as sweet as she’s ever been in her life. She’s never angry. She doesn’t complain. She doesn’t ask for much. She probably takes care of you in special ways that your thinking-head is out of action much of the time.
If she’s a very honest girl, this will remain. Yes, she’ll feel more comfortable complaining and getting cranky later, of course. But if she was sincere at the start, then as time goes on you will only get to appreciate her more. However, there are two issues here to consider:
- If something about her isn’t right, or if something annoys you, makes you uncomfortable or suspicious in the beginning? Then guess what? It won’t get better with time. It will probably get worse! This is her on her best behaviour. If something bothers you now, it will make you miserable later!!
- Those girls who are not honest can be utterly charming and can play the part of the perfect-girl. Many can’t manage it past the first visit, but there are those who can continue the act for a long time. Two sub-issues:
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- If it seems too perfect, then it’s probably fake. No one agrees with you about everything. No one has no thoughts for their own feelings and needs ever. Everyone has a few off-days. Watch out for anything that looks TOO good, as you may be being played!
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- MOST can’t continue an act forever. Again, if you’re not sure? Then wait until you are. And the longer you wait, the more likely your thinking-head will take over as the dominant head and you will see things as they really are, plus it’s more likely her real self will emerge.
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Don’t risk sponsoring the wrong lady for a partner visa (partner visa aka spouse visa, or prospective marriage visa aka fiancée visa), or you could get caught by the 5 year rule, ie. you won’t be able to sponsor another applicant for 5 years from the date of the previous application. And you may do so only twice in a lifetime. Read more about it HERE.
And whilst there are no similar rules in the Migration Regulations when it comes to tourist visa applications, however if you started inviting one girl after another to visit you from the Philippines, you can bet your sponsorship commitment will start looking a bit questionable by the Case Officers in the Australian Embassy in Manila. So even with tourist visas, make your decisions wisely and with an eye to a bright and happy future for yourself.
NOTE: This is an updated reposting of an article from 2015
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Steve and Beth – Australian Filipina couple discuss Down Under Visa
hi jeff truest words you have spoken i had a young lady first visit all rosey went well couldn’t wish for a better partner went to visit second time went all pear shape every thing was problem needed more money sent didn’t happen in finish i canceled air fares and then went to cancel hotel booking she had already been and collected the money told the young ladies cousin and she has shamed her on Facebook it was a cheap break up 900 dollars life goes on as aussies we pick ourselves up and get on with life there is someone out there for me but it does take time to find right sole mate
Many people spend more time and put more thought into choosing what new car to buy than they spend trying to decide if someone is the right one for them. It took me 7 years and umpteen failed relationships before I found and married my wife Mila. Definitely worth the wait!
i have been wanting a one man woman but it seems a lot of these woman know what to say and do,i brought a woman over here to australia and she left me with in 2 weeks of coming here and had another man already waiting for her.well i felt like a fool and i am really sick of these types of women.When you go to meet there family they show a different side of themselves,however i think i have a target on my head,it seems i attract the wrong sort of women.
As usual Jeff your comments are spot on and yes it takes time to find the lady that’s right for you, using the head on your shoulders is the only way and always remember a fool and his money are soon parted!
Absolutely correct, Graham. We’ve all made stupid decisions over our lives, though…..especially when it comes to ladies. Can only hope that we realise before its too late.
Too true
if it is not right
then let it go
I did – twice
It was hard
but it was the right thing to do
Yes, and we do (or should!) learn from these mistakes. I know I did….also twice.
I’m starting to see a trend that’s for sure. Thanks to the many expats who contribute to the truth but from what I can see the Filipina loves fishing as much as the Filipino but for different species.
Seems to be a National pastime.
Well put together Jeff ,
I am very happy to find my
special partner and the true
love . ?
Regards Giovanni & Connie .
I think you found a very special lady there, Giovanni. All the best to both of you.
Hi jeff just wanna know your thought. How if opposite side. I mean if the men who.change and became different unlike before and he is the one who had luck.of love already and you.as a women you are still inlove with him but he wants to. Give you up because he cant wait for.another 6months or.so waiting for his.women…
Gemma, you’re asking if the sponsor wishes to end the relationship? If the applicant doesn’t continue his sponsorship then the visa will be cancelled if she doesn’t have permanent residency yet. There can be exceptions in such circumstances. You should seek advice if this applies to you.
As good as it could get.
I met a filipino woman in in 2007, and I was 32yrs old. When I met her I had nothing to my name except a pet cat, my cat trusted her which was unusual with strangers.
At the time she was working with an ambassador in Canberra.
We got jobs and then after 2012 I was foolish enough to allow her brother to come here to study at University of Canberra. Now he’s a permanent resident working in Childcare, and thinks poorly of Australians beliefs and habits.
We’ve had arguments about the clothes I wear, and about the fact that she will be talking to people she knows while with me in her native language, Tagalog which I don’t understand.
I have informed her numerously that I would appreciate it if she asked them to speak in English while I am with them. Her response each time was anger, saying that I am racist. I have told her that with the fact that I don’t understand what they are saying, it would only be respectful to allow me to be part of the conversation, unless I was to remove myself from the conversation. If I am to remove myself from the conversation then I was judged for my behaviour.
2007-2013 we weren’t going through to many issues because we both worked Mon-Frid, mornings and nights with 2 jobs each and I would also try to work on weekends. We may have spent maybe 4 hours a day and then weekends. I did enjoy how much she did with cleaning and cooking compared to all my ex’s.
2013 was a little different because we were successful with her getting pregnant. Then she was not going to work for a while & I was still working 2 jobs a day. So I was a bit more desirable to her because she rarely saw me.
For about the first 6mnths I stayed going to work and she stayed at home.
Then she returned to work in 2014 and things became a little more tricky.
We had 1job each which meant that our income decreased because we were both working together to work and look after our daughter as part of a team.
A team member which she was happy to invite was her brother who continued to live with. I became uncomfortable because rather then my wife working with me as a team she would talk to her brother in a foreign language and work with him as team a majority of the time and then also turn to me.
Now my daughter loves me as a father, and loves her mothers brother as a second father. This was not something which I considered possible when I invited him to come and study.
Now near the end of 2019 we had a rough time, arguing over repetitive subjects which is eachothers family, how much her brother is involving himself with our family and with our daughters upbringing.
This was something which once again we talked about and as far as I’m concerned successfully addressed the issues.
We had agreed during the second half of 2019 to make a move from Canberra to Brisbane to have a change of lives for us and our daughter.
Once again another family member, ‘sister in law and niece’ visited from the filipines. I was grateful this time because it gave someone for our daughter to play with when she was at home. It also provided us with an extra pair of hands to help us pack our bags, suitcases and boxes and housework.
I also kept my back up until she left which was early in February 2020.
I was a little disappointed when I found out how many items from our house were either given to her brother, or sold to him for 20% of what I would have charged others.
I sold him a Automatic 2013 Mazda 3 with just under 200,000km’s on it. To avoid the foreseeable arguments it was sold to him for $2000, once again a percentage of what I would have charged another person.
Now we are in Brisbane and have been her for just over a month. On Valentines this year I ended up going into hospital because of Vertigo on 13/2020. I got out on Valentines day and rather than calling my wife to come and be with me on the way home I ended up travelling to the shops from the hospital and buying flowers, chocolate and a valentines day card.
When I got home she was out. I did try ringing here but there was no answer.
I ended up going to bed early, 7pm because I was tired after being in hospital the previous night.
I was asleep when my wife and daughter got home. I gave her the items for Valentines day on 15/2/2020, then in front of our daughter all she could do is complain. I was tired, upset and angry because I had bought these things after being stuck in hospital and all she could do was complain. In a start of rage I grabbed the chocolates and smashed the packaging and then grabbed the flowers, pulled them out of their vase and threw them onto the ground.
This upset our daughter being as far as she was concerned the items belonged to her. I have apologised to our daughter for my actions and gave our daughter some flowers and chocolate.
Since then my wife has just been angry with me. I even heard her talking to her a new friend, she was complaining that I had been late for our wedding which was true. This is after she had advertised that she was a person who did not hang on to the past.
Now I have started to be suspicious that maybe she moved with me to Brisbane to actually separate from me. It would give it a reason as to why she gave her brother so many things.
Now it is difficult for both of us to find a rental property because we have been paying our own mortgage for nearly 10years. Before this she wasn’t an Australian Resident and I was living in Government Housing.
She on the other hand has a brother in Canberra who has a mortgage for a
2 bedroom apartment(we are the guarantor), and he lives by himself.
I would like to talk things and to try to work things out, especially now that her brother is not with us. But I choose to have my suspicions.
All she wants to do is be angry with me and have me as 100% responsible for any negatives with our relationship. She has done this with two of the best friends while we were in Canberra, she argued, didn’t agree with the fact that they are individuals and were not able to forgive them.
I would like this relationship to last, but at what cost??, especially with a 6year old daughter who has JUST moved from Canberra to Brisbane and is still settling.
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well, filipina girls are proven beautiful
No arguments there
First off thanks Jeff,
Those reading in current year, just know that Jeff really knows his stuff and did a fantastic job for me.
Unfortunately I wish I had read this article at around June last year. For me the significant other lasted 2 years and strung me along for the third one.
She was with a local guy for most of last year and I didn’t pic the signs and dismissed my gut too.
Never blindly trust a cute smile and innocent look, even those girls can be excessively cruel.
My only saving grace was she showed some mercy and didn’t get on the plane and dumped me when the local guy presumably didnt agree with the thought of her outside the Philippines.
wait .. then wait some more. Even after sunk costs, be sure your not clouded by the first and second meet up.
Many of us have had our fingers burnt, AND lost money. But hopefully you can dust yourself off and be a whole lot wiser next time. I was. Married 20 years now!